Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
