we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
