Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No more Irish car bombs ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i believe in u and ur pee
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
