My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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