it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
