I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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