I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
