this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
