i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
