please come you make the beer taste better
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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