part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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