wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
