cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
