Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
