My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
