So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
