birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
