I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
