Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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