you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
