You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
