doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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