So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
