goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
