If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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