I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
