Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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