My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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