Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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