I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
