I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
