I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
