i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
