fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
