Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
