remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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