Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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