what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
