Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
