you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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