Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
