chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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