dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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