i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
