Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
