I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
