Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
