Got a toothbrush?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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