you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
