Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
