If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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