i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
