she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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