Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
