I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
