mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
