Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
