I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
