you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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