you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
