I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
