i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
